Transcript of my remarks made in the shower this morning:
Amber, Puff and Stuff, Kitchen Chicken, Bedroom Hummingbird, my fellow Americans, major combat operations on the balconyhave ended. In the battle for our balcony, the United States and our allies have prevailed.
And now our coalition is engaged in securing and reconstructing our balcony.
In this battle, we have fought for the cause of liberty and for the peace of the world. Our nation and our coalition are proud of this accomplishment, yet it is you, the manufacturers of the acrylic squirrel baffle, who achieved it. Your courage, your willingness to face danger for your country and for each other made this day possible.
Because of you our nation is more secure. Because of you the tyrant has fallen and the balcony is free.
Here is the tyrant:
Following my remarks, his statue was torn down from the town square by jubilant citizens of the forest surrounding our apartment who were tasting freedom from tyranny for the first time. Here was our strategy for victory:
We were greeted as liberators, and plan to spread freedom to other balconies.
Good luck. I predict a “part 3 of 3″ by the end of September. August 27th, 2008 at 10:03 am
I suppose that’s better than shooting them or throwing rocks at them. I would have probably started with one of those two options. August 27th, 2008 at 10:30 am
But will Puff and Stuff now align against Kitchen Chicken and Bedroom Hummingbird for control of the balcony? This could spiral dangerously out of control without plans for an interim government.
My advice was going to be to capitalize on the existing petroleum resources. (Grease the pole so the squirrels can’t grip it. We used to have a blast watching them slide down as they tried to climb…) August 27th, 2008 at 11:52 am